Getting in Touch with ”Protector Parts”

“All Parts are good. All Parts are welcome.” This was the mantra of a two day conference that I attended with Jenna Riemersma. It was by far the best therapy conference I have ever attended!

After this conference, I ordered her book, **Altogether You** and started listening to the audiobook. Jenna is a gifted teacher who explains the concepts of Internal Family Systems (IFS) in a clear, understandable and entertaining manner.

At the end of many of the chapters, Jenna leads the reader through exercises to identify some of their parts, to discover the role each part has assumed and how it is trying to help, and to help each part become unburdened from negative beliefs and unhelpful coping skills.

Now, you might think that because I am a counselor and familiar with parts work that I would have all my parts cleaned up, lined up and ready for inspection, but not so.

Parts work has been transformational and liberating for me, but it is still a process that takes time and patience. It’s when triggers are activated and emotions feel intense (called flooding), that I am suddenly aware that my exiles (wounded parts) are feeling vulnerable and threatened, and my protective parts are kicking in to try to manage the situation or “put out the fire”

One of the parts that I have been working with is what I call my defense attorney. This part is ready to argue for my rights, to object to any false accusation and to present evidence in my defense. The DA has been working hard for a long time, probably since I was four. Unfortunately, the approach of the DA causes me to be reactive, interrupt others and not be as open to new ideas, suggestions or constructive feedback as I would like to be. Humility is tough when my DA is active.

I have been working with the DA to ask it to pause, slow down and allow my interior, Image of God, Self to respond with more curiosity, patience, openness and, at times, healthy boundaries to not embrace someone else’s distorted view of me.

Since “all parts are good”, I thank the DA for all the hard work it has done through the years, acknowledge that this part might like a more pleasant job and give it permission to return to the qualities that God intended for it from the beginning. Gradually, as my DA realizes that the Self can make better decisions and the exile is not in danger, it begins to relax and turn its attention elsewhere.

This process of unburdening now makes it possible for me to address the hurts and negative beliefs of my exile or wounded part. The exile may be feeling misunderstood, wrongly accused, unappreciated and carry the belief that “it must be my fault”. I am able to express compassion, speak truth and befriend this part. I invite Jesus to come and minister to and speak to this wounded part.

This process has been very powerful for me and for my clients. Clients have said things like “I feel like the jail door has been open and I am free”, “I have been able to ask my perfectionism to step aside and let my Self set more reasonable goals.”.

There are other parts in me that I have become aware of as well. They will not all be addressed and unburdened quickly. These parts have been trying to serve me and protect my exile for many years. As I take this journey though, I experience more freedom, joy, self acceptance and the fruits of the spirit flow more naturally into my interactions with others. Isn’t this what we all want?

If parts work sounds valuable to you, contact me or look for an IFS informed or IFS trained therapist near you that can help you work toward your own healing.